


John and Karkat Talk About Their Feelings

by savioto



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Asexuality, M/M, Pesterlog
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-01-07
Updated: 2011-01-07
Packaged: 2017-10-14 12:50:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,822
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/149391
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/savioto/pseuds/savioto
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John rejects Karkat's awkward advances by (awkwardly) explaining that he is asexual and aromantic.</p>
            </blockquote>





	John and Karkat Talk About Their Feelings

**Author's Note:**

> This was written in response to [this prompt.](http://captchalogue.livejournal.com/730.html?thread=651994#t651994) This version is slightly revised, by which I mean that I fixed a typo and changed two or three sentences to make a little bit more sense.
> 
> As I said on LJ, don't think too hard about the timeline, because I didn't, so it probably doesn't really add up.

EB: well...  
EB: i just didn't really have any idea that you had any sort of feelings like that, so i am kind of caught off guard.  
CG: WHAT FEELINGS, THERE ARE NO FEELINGS, END OF DISCUSSION.  
EB: hey, i don't have a problem with your weird sort of alien hate-love thing!  
EB: it is just that, uh...  
CG: WHAT  
EB: i'm not...... sexual?  
EB: like... asexual i guess??  
CG: WHAT THE HELL DO YOU MEAN BY THAT?  
EB: um... well... it's like... i mean i don't really have any interest in sex or relationships or things like that  
CG: ........  
CG: YOU DON'T LIKE ROMANCE?  
CG: IS THAT WHAT YOU ARE TELLING ME HERE  
EB: i like romcoms!  
EB: but that's about it.  
CG: HOW IS THAT A THING  
CG: IS THAT A NORMAL THING FOR HUMANS  
EB: umm, i dunno. i don't really think so! i think you're the first person i've told this, actually.  
CG: ARE YOU SURE YOU JUST  
CG: HAVEN'T MATURED YET  
CG: OR SOMETHING  
CG: I MEAN HOW CAN THAT EVEN BE A THING? HOW CAN YOU NOT HAVE ANY ROMANCE FEELINGS AT ALL?? HOW DO YOU AVOID GETTING CULLED?  
EB: umm...  
EB: culled?  
EB: i don't even know what that means...  
CG: OH RIGHT.  
CG: I GUESS YOU HAVE A DIFFERENT CULTURE HUH?  
EB: yeah exactly! try not to be such a racist, karkat!  
CG: ....  
EB: ...karkat?  
CG: OK, LOOK. JUST CLICK THIS OK  
[FRUITY RUMPUS ASSHOLE FACTORY banner]  
EB: uh... okay.

\-- CURRENT ectoBiologist [CEB] responded to memo FRUITY RUMPUS ASSHOLE FACTORY. --

CEB: ...ok?  
?CG: HOLD ON, I INVITED SOME MORE PEOPLE

\-------------------

\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling tentacleTherapist [TT] ---

CG: HEY.  
CG: LALONDE.  
TT: Have I spoken to you before?  
CG: I DUNNO MAYBE  
CG: BUT THIS IS THE FIRST TIME I'VE SPOKEN TO YOU  
CG: MY FRIEND TALKS TO YOU A LOT THOUGH  
CG: AND SHE TALKS ABOUT YOU A LOT  
CG: LIKE  
CG: A LOT  
TT: Oh?  
CG: UGH SHUT UP THIS CONVERSATION ISN'T ABOUT THAT OKAY  
CG: I NEED YOUR HELP WITH SOMETHING  
CG: IT'S ABOUT THE HEIR  
TT: Who?  
CG: THE BLUE KID  
CG: THE NERDY ONE WITH THE GLASSES  
TT: Oh, you must mean John.  
TT: Although, he's not all that nerdy. He's really quite a cool guy once you get to know him.  
CG: DON'T CARE  
CG: JUST CLICK THIS BANNER  
[FRUITY RUMPUS ASSHOLE FACTORY banner goes here!]

\-------------------

\-- PAST tentacleTherapist [CTT] 0:30 HOURS AGO responded to memo FRUITY RUMPUS ASSHOLE FACTORY. --

PTT: Well, I still can't imagine what possible purpose this could serve, but I am willing to indulge you.  
CEB: oh, hi rose!  
PTT: Hello, John.  
CEB: ....from the past?  
?CG: YEAH BECAUSE CURRENT HER IS TOO BUSY BEING FUCKING LOONY  
PTT: I assure you, I am completely loony at all times.  
?CG: HAHA. SHUT YOUR TRAP LALONDE. THIS IS IMPORTANT SHIT.  
PTT: I'm sure.  
PTT: What did you say you required my assistance for, again?  
CEB: uh...  
?CG: EGBERT.  
?CG: TELL THE ROSE HUMAN WHAT YOU JUST TOLD ME.  
CEB: dude! that's a little sudden. i'm not really sure i'm ready to tell everyone just yet!  
PTT: ?  
?CG: YOU'RE NOT TELLING "EVERYONE." YOU'RE JUST TELLING THIS ONE HUMAN  
?CG: WHO IS SUPPOSED TO BE YOUR CLOSE FRIEND, YES?  
CEB: yes... but she is probably going to psychotherapify me if i tell her!  
CEB: ahh, wait a minute!! that's why you wanted her to talk to me about it anyway, right?  
CEB: you're upset that i rejected you and now you want her to talk me out of it!  
?CG: WHAT NO  
PTT: John.  
PTT: Did this young man come on to you?  
PTT: And did you respond by informing him that you are not a homosexual?  
PTT: Is this an accurate summation of events?  
?CG: NO NOT AT ALL. SHUT YOUR PERFUMEY TRAP LALONDE.  
CEB: um....  
CEB: well, i guess that's sort of what happened!  
CEB: but you see...  
CEB: i am not a heterosexual either!  
PTT: Well, the only option I see left is bisexual.  
PTT: But I don't see why that would cause a problem for Crabby here.  
PTT: So am I correct in assuming that you mean you are "nothing yet"? Have you yet to reach your sexual maturity?  
PTT: We are only thirteen, after all.  
CEB: why does everyone keep saying that!!  
CEB: no, what i mean is that...  
CEB: i don't have any interest in things like that! and i don't think i ever will  
CEB: dave is always talking about it, but i don't have any feelings like that at all and it just makes me sort of uncomfortable when he talks about sex and stuff like that  
?CG: NO WAY, THIS IS BULLSHIT  
?CG: THIS IS JUST AN EXCUSE YOU'RE MAKING UP BECAUSE YOU DIDN'T WANT TO OUTRIGHT REJECT ME  
?CG: I MEAN NOT THAT I WAS COMING ON TO YOU OR ANYTHING BUT YOU SEEMED TO THINK I WAS  
?CG: ANYWAY WHAT ABOUT VRISKA?  
PTT: Who's Vriska?  
CEB: how do you know i've even talked to her? i thought this was the first time you'd spoken to me!  
?CG: JOHN TRY NOT TO BE SO FUCKING LINEAR  
?CG: SHE JUST CAME OVER AND TOLD ME THAT YOU ARE "SO INTO HER"  
?CG: AND NORMALLY I WOULDN'T BELIEVER HER BECAUSE SHE THINKS SHE'S THE GREATEST AND THAT EVERYONE LOVES HER EVEN WHEN THEY OBVIOUSLY DON'T  
?CG: BUT SHE SHOWED ME SOME CHATLOGS FROM YOUR PAST AND IT SEEMS YOU REALLY DO "HAVE THE HOTS" FOR HER  
CEB: no dude! i already told you in a memo  
CEB: or i guess i will tell you in a memo that hasn't happened for you yet...  
CEB: but anyway i told you that i haven't really had any feelings like that before!  
CEB: i think vriska's cool and all but if she tried to make out with me i'm not really sure how i would react!  
?CG: WHAT WHY WOULD SHE TRY TO MAKE OUT WITH YOU  
CEB: i dunno dude, you said she would!  
?CG: I  
?CG: WOIUREAJ  
?CG: KAJF803P;.SNIOFUD  
?CG: AOIUFDJADKFAHDFYOEriujrae,  
CEB: whoa  
PTT: Ahem.  
PTT: Getting back to the matter at hand here.  
PTT: John, is what you are saying that you are asexual?  
CEB: yeah!  
CEB: is that a real word? i thought i just kind of made it up  
CEB: but that sounds like what i am!  
PTT: Yes, it is a real thing.  
PTT: We still can't rule out the possibility that you are simply a late bloomer, but it seems the rest of us have begun to develop interest in the opposite sex - or same sex, as the case may be - at this age.  
CEB: whoa, really? even you?  
PTT: No comment.  
PTT: In any case, am I correct in speculating that you are not simply asexual, but aromantic as well?  
CEB: uh...  
CEB: maybe?  
PTT: It means you have no interest in romance, John.  
CEB: oh!  
CEB: yeah  
CEB: like i told karkat  
CEB: i like romance in movies and stuff!  
CEB: but i don't think i want a girlfriend  
PTT: Karkat is the crabby one who invited us to the memo, yes?  
CEB: yeah  
?CG: STOP CALLING ME CRABBY  
?CG: YOURE JUST TRYING TO GET UNDER MY SKIN BY BRINGING UP PAINFUL MEMORIES OF MY DEAD LUSUS AREN'T YOU  
?CG: SERIOUSLY WHAT A FUCKING CHEAP SHOT  
PTT: I have no idea what you are talking about.  
?CG: YEAH, YOU WOULDN'T.  
?CG: GODDAMN SCUM-SUCKING HUMANS.

\-- FUTURE gardenGnostic [FGG] 00:15 HOURS FROM NOW responded to memo. --

FGG: congratulations john!!!!!!  
FGG: i'm so proud of you! :D  
FGG: don't worry it is a totally normal thing to be the way you are and we all love you no matter what!!!  
FGG: <3

\-- FUTURE gardenGnostic (FGG) 00:15 HOURS AGO ceased responding to memo. --

CEB: gee thanks jade!  
CEB: haha  
PTT: John, who's this Vriska you mentioned?  
CEB: oh  
CEB: she's this troll who's been flirting with me for a while i guess!  
CEB: but i didn't know that she was interested in me... in that way... until karkat told me that in a memo  
CEB: i guess i'm a little oblivious to that kind of thing!  
PTT: Indeed.  
CEB: huh?  
PTT: Nothing.  
CEB: uh...

\-- PAST turntechGodhead [PTG] 0:03 HOURS AGO responded to memo FRUITY RUMPUS ASSHOLE FACTORY. --

PTG: jesus christ egbert how dense can you be  
PTG: she's referring to the fact that i've been after your oblong meat product for the past goddamn year or so  
PTG: and you still haven't noticed  
PTG: but i guess now i know why  
PTG: it's cool i'm not offended if that's how you feel  
PTG: i mean i'm gay so it's not like i don't know all about how you can't help what your sexuality is  
PTG: just gotta do what feels right man  
PTG: i mean sure you're the only other human male left in the universe  
PTG: but now we've got all these trolls up in our grill  
PTG: and a bunch of past and future daves runnin around  
PTG: so its not like i dont have options

\-- PAST turntechGodhead [PTG] 0:03 HOURS AGO stopped responding to memo. --

CEB: uhhh.....  
CEB: wow  
CEB: i didn't know dave was gay!  
?CG: HOLY SHIT  
?CG: WHAT THE FUCK IS EVEN HAPPENING HERE  
?CG: HUMAN ROMANCE IS SO CONFUSING  
CEB: hey, i'm just as confused by your troll shenanigans!  
CEB: so many shenanigans!!  
CEB: i guess there are just some cultural differences!  
?CG: YEAH NO SHIT.  
PTT: Karkat, I'm afraid if you asked me here solely to explain basic human biology to you, I will have to decline.  
CEB: um karkat.... well dave being gay means that he only likes boys  
CEB: and i guess he had a thing for me!  
PTT: Has.  
CEB: huh??  
PTT: He still "has a thing" for you, John. He replied to this message only a few minutes ago from your perspective.  
CEB: oh...  
CEB: sorry dave :/  
CEB: anyway karkat are you less confused now?  
CEB: i dont want to be rude but rose is sort of right, we dont really have time to explain everything to you right now!  
CEB: we are all a little busy trying not to get killed  
PTT: Indeed.

\-- PAST tentacleTherapist [PTT] has stopped responding to memo. --

?CG: BULLSHIT.  
?CG: I CAN SEE YOUR WHOLE TIMELINE RIGHT HERE IN FRONT OF ME REMEMBER.  
?CG: YOU ARE NOT GOING TO GET KILLED, YOU ARE GOING TO BE FINE  
?CG: AND KEEP BLUNDERING ALONG LIKE IDIOTS AND OPEN THE RIFT  
?CG: AND FUCK US ALL OVER.  
CEB: but ive already died like twice!!  
CEB: even if its just in an alternate timeline like when terezi killed me...  
CEB: i dont really want anymore dead johns to start piling up  
CEB: and i kinda have to get going on this scratch thing  
CEB: so  
CEB: see you soon!!

\-- CURRENT ectoBiologist (CEB) has stopped responding to memo.

?CG: WAIT  
?CG: WHAT


End file.
